men are so...unpredictable!!!!!

hmmm.....am always...unlucky when it comes to men....heartbroken again????katy perry is right....they're hot and they're cold, its yes and its no....i just don't know.....!!!!!

well, tawakkal is the best medicine...and solat malam...that will really2 help....i believe that tables will turn someday...and I will not be a 'beggar' anymore...what comes around goes around....that's karma!!

so, sit back and relax....live one day at a time and focus to the reality...my kids and my job.....

my laptop is.....gone!!!!

After months of typing the story of my life....and posting it piece by piece in this blog....I have to accept this utmost 'heart wrenching' fate...my laptop is gone...and there goes my story too!!!!hmmmm...I dunno if I ever can type it all over again???very2 silly of me,not backing it up onto a thumb drive....oh my God!!!

However, chins up...losing material things would not shed my happiness.....I still have every bit of those memories in my head!!!...and I will retype it again....InsyaAllah....just waiting for a right time to start it again...right now, am too bz with work....anyway, stay tuned!!!

con't...teenage...the best years ever!!

And so, I was selected to the one and only science class in school..and of course, sitting with my best friends made the whole entire phase of my latter teen years more interesting and colourful…and I paid the price for putting in more effort to ‘play’ rather than to concentrate on my studies…no more straight A’s…starting to feel the pains of Add Maths and I hate Physics of course(I regard those who liked it as ‘nerds’ ok….)…there’s tons of ‘cheeky agendas’ in my daily life..I have also found a suitable female partner to accomplish this…not really into sinful stuff(I really learn very2 valuable religious knowledge here,ok), but just some fun ways of making fool of ourselves and of course, thinking that we are on top of the world (seniors of the school, first batch to be exact!!), to have the pleasure of being able to ‘bully’ other younger kids in school…this is certainly a privilege can’t be missed, its payback time guys!!…if you know what boarding school is all about…when you are able you define your territory, you make the rules that others followed religiously…wow, life can’t get better than this! And creating school history…our class had their first female head of class, it was me!!and to be able to sit side by side with the boys in the class is certainly not a familiar scene in other classes in this religious school, but we made this revolution…gals rules!!I thought it was truly an achievement…..but my studies was not doing that ok…not that bad either, but just an average achievement…having fun was my first agenda..studies always comes after that…and so that really shows in my SPM results….just managed to get 15 aggs…which I still think its ok as I have not really studied (as usual!)…and I was expecting and preparing for the worse…so, I still feel happy and blessed and what made me happier, is that, unexpectedly, I received a pre approved invitation to enroll to UM’s Asasi Sains….and so I replied as ‘YES’….and so the dream began…to continuously being successful and secured once again…despite all odds…but the ‘best’ is yet to come!!!

girls havin fun in bali!!!

Despite of the H1N1 outbreak, we brave the odds and went for a quick getaway to bali!!!

it was indeeed d most unforgettable experience!!...d spa...the breathtaking view of sunset at tanahlot...wish I was there with my dearest abg....maybe someday, InsyaAllah....

2nd episode....teenage!

This second episode started when abah made the decision to send me to a religious boarding school…after getting straight A’s in Penilaian Darjah 5, of course, the next thing in my mind is to get a place in one of the best prestigious and ‘all girls’ boarding school…and I have few in mind…maybe TKC or STF (by the way, I don’t like co-ed schools since I came from a non co-ed!)…but maybe abah wants to give the best for me and wants me to be a ‘muslimah’ …and to the religious school I went..though with a little bit of objection and skeptic (as I have to wear ‘tudung’!)…..but then all this died down when my best friend,ZA was also enrolled to the same school….it was truly most challenging in the first year to fit in to the boarding school’s rules and of course the chores…being a very pampered child, I have never washed my own clothes…!!!so, this new phase of life is really turning me upside down, I almost gave up…but with some determination (and miracle maybe?), I managed to self motivate myself to stay on…so, since I had survived from the Form 1 nightmare….I moved on graciously to Form 2… and Form 3 was the best as I was getting more familiar with the daily routines…and more cheekier, naughtier and really knows what to do when there was nothing else to do at school ( looking at the fancy guys of coz…!!!)…and then came the ‘puppy love’ to spice up my life….I find it so fulfilling to fall for the naughtiest guy in school nicknamed “Mafia”…the most ‘wanted’ by the school wardens…hahahaha…naughty girl meets naughty boy…a certainly perfect match!the most envious couple in 1984…hahaha, just joking, its the most ‘odd couple’ in fact…as I am brainy but he’s not…sorry ya….don’t mean to brag, but it’s true…and 1984 was a very2 good year for me, despite of being in ‘so much in love and naughty’, I still scored straight A’s again in SRP….I am certainly not expecting to get 7A1…and certainly don’t deserve it by looking at the amount of effort I had put in…but Alhamdulillah…maybe it was mama’s prayers for me in Mecca (she performed umrah that year)…

1st episode....childhood life..d best ever!

There’s a lot to write about my life, so, to save the time, I wouldn’t want go back to every detail of my childhood days( 0 to 12 years)..just a snapshot of this first episode of my life… I was born on the new year’s eve of 1970, to be exact, 12.59 am on the new year’s eve…hahaha, what a coincidence!! I am the opening of the ‘retro’ decade…(mama must have been counting this very carefully and made sure I was exactly delivered on 1st January 1970)….and I had almost a picture perfect childhood in the 70’s…happy, vibrant, full of love from both mama and abah(as I am their first baby girl)…and I was fully enjoying each and every moment of my life!!those were the days that I missed and cherish most….I was the girl who almost had anything I wished for…not to mention good grades in studies though I don’t really study much(I can even study on tree tops as my previous hobby was tree climbing…any tree will do!!!)…thanks to my brainy brains, I got thru every exams very2 well without much hassle, continuous straight A’s and always been top three in class, I even skipped standard 2 and went straight to standard 3 (from standard 1) while in SIGS,JB ….hanging out with the most popular group in school…what more can a girl ask for????….so, its been great..and truthfully, as I had started on the right foot in this early phase of my life, my expectations of my future teenage and adult life had started forming…and I thot it would be most crystal clear, most simple..most happy and most importantly, just as what I have always wished for (like in fairy tales…and they lived happily ever after…)until…i discovered this later, of course…the starting of the second phase..my teenage life…

This is the story of my life…most importantly my love life….and after almost 40 years of living, I found the meaning of true love and I always believe that it will be everlasting, no matter what happen to me…or the things around me….the true love that was lost once and found again…and I wouldn’t know if I ever will be loved…as I was loved before……and if I will ever find the happiness in love, of which I am so looking for throughout my life…I have once got it, I let it go and later found it again and now clinging to it like my dear life….this note is truly dedicated to the man who had made my life so …worth living..so wonderful…I want him to know that each and every moment spent with him…was the best in my entire life…and this note is a testament to my everlasting love for him and my fond memories of our relationship…which I am truly, desperately hoping would reach its final destination…to be pronounced (at last!!) as husband and wife….and a story of the evolution of myself in my love life…as a friend, a girlfriend,a lover, a fiance, a wife, a mom…. a divorcee, and now I am the other woman in someone’s life….(and the most latter is the hardest to type!!!!)